So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
