he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We need to get me chipped asap
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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