So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
