Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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