turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
