I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
