I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
