When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
