Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
