He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
