highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
