Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I could make wine with my vomit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
