I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
