I think my fart just growled at me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
