glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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