She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
