I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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