Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
