Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
