Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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