I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
