last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
