Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's blow job season.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
