I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
