Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
