I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
