Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
