don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
