I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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