Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
