i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
