so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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