Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
