She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
