Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
