Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
