Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
