she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
