and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
