just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
