she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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