Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
