im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
