People in love make me want to vomit
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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