If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My penis needs a shock collar
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
