; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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