So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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