You smell like stripper and shame
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
