I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
