i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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