Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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