Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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