Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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