He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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