so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
