I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
