You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
