i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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