I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
