We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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